Reply To: Haven’t we moved past the bride’s family paying for everything? Who pays?

[finkelc]

Right there with you on this, having the same debate! I (future bride) framed it to my parents as, “contribute what you want/can but assume we’re planning to foot our own bill,” and they breathed some sigh of relief at that. They’d love to contribute but it means they can choose one number and not have to stress if we exceed that, because FH and I will cover overages. I’ve asked FH to see if he can get verbal buy-in from his parents to either support in some way financially beyond the rehearsal dinner, or at least to process the fact that he (FH) is on the hook for some of their attendance list, if the counts end up super lopsided (he’s got a list of 240 most of whom are nearby, mine is a little over 100 and travel is required for all of them). I’ve also made it clear to FH that we should be saving and expecting there may be an offset from my parents but that we don’t have a blank check from them. It puts a little more pressure on us to get our act together financially, but I’m hopeful that it’s the best way to prevent resentment on either side going forward!