I as a wedding planner, I would say about 75% of the time it is the couples that are paying for us directly because families are maybe paying for the wedding and they are seeking our help to make sure when they’re spending and budgeting for the wedding correctly, because they’ve been given this much for the wedding. But that other 25% who are just tired of hearing from their bride or their daughter complain and moms are like, hey, we need help. I will pay for you specifically to help us out. So that is just like a two fold answer. But majority of the time, it is the couples paying for us as planners.

Who’s paying me. My name is Jean. I’m an event planner in the Philadelphia area. And for weddings, I’m mostly seeing the couple pay me. It’s funny. If it’s a check, it might be from the parents, but if it’s Venmo, it’s from the couple, so and but most often it is venmo, and most often it is from the couple. So unless they offer the details of who’s paying for what and how they’re working their finances, I don’t ask for my own payment or our vendor team. But my assumption is that the couple is paying for things and then maybe their families are reimbursing them for some expenses. But I’m seeing the couple. Thanks.

One month before the wedding and that is the time that you need to make sure that your family and friends are in the know. A lot of time people forget to do things during this month that can help make the day go smoother and keep you less stressed. So some things I want to make sure that you have not forgotten. Have you told which family members are actually sitting on that first and second row? Have you talk to your efficient about what to say at the very end of the ceremony to get your guest to go to cocktail hour? Do you have a cake cutter? What about a cake stand? Did you pack extra batteries? Will there actually be a guest book? If so, are there pins? There are certain things that you need to do in this one month. Literally break down your wedding and break down the elements. If you have a cake, like, what do I need for this cake? I need a cake stand. I need a cake cutter. Okay, next for the ceremony. What do I need for the ceremony? I have a flower girl. Does the flower girl have a basket? Does the flower girl actually have flowers? Who is holding the ring? Oh, have I got my rings clean? Everything should kind of be a spider web. You start with one category of your wedding and spider web it out. But most importantly, did you bring the marriage license? Do you have it? Did you apply for it? Don’t forget that.

Hot Take. It’s you. hi friends. I’m Vanessa Rose from the papery, here to tell you that the most difficult part about your wedding is you and the timeline you think you’re going to follow. Everything on your wedding day takes twice as long. I’m going to say that again. Twice as long as you think it does. Twice as long as it takes you on a regular day like today. When you are looking at your wedding day timeline, please be realistic when you’re planning it out. And please speak to the professionals on your wedding team. Or better yet, get a day of coordinator to walk you through this hair and makeup. You need to plan buffers in between each person. Getting beauty services to account for bathroom breaks, getting a phone call, not being ready at the very moment they need to sit in a chair. Give yourself ample time through that bridal morning to make sure that beauty flows effortlessly when you stack it up, unrealistically and cram it all together because you don’t want to sit in a chair at seven in the morning. You are your own worst enemy. Moving, getting in and out of vehicles, moving from location to location, traveling around your venue property. It all takes longer than you think it does. You’re also moving more people in outfits they don’t wear every day, in shoes they may have never worn before. Just stop the insanity. Take a step back, think about the day and add more time. If that means you need to push cocktail, if that means you need to start beauty earlier, do whatever you need to do to give yourself breathing room in your timeline. And then you won’t become your worst enemy and the most difficult part of your day. Keep in mind this also applies to photography. Please don’t plan 17 family shots in a 20 minutes window. Good luck.

I would have to say from my perspective as a planner, the most difficult time for couples is 30 minutes before the wedding, and that is during that hurry up and wait time because you have hurried up and gotten your dress, got makeup done, gotten to the venue, hurried up and ate, hurry up and did all these photos and now you’re just waiting? You are waiting for guests to arrive. You’re awaiting until you’re about to go down the aisle. And nervousness, anxiety, all those things set in 30 minutes before the grooms are like, am I making the right decision, bro, do you have the rings? Brides are like, Did I do this? Did I forget this? Did I remember this? Are guests having a good time? Are they sitting where they’re supposed to sit? So that becomes the most difficult time. What I would say to you is, during that waiting period, relax. Let go and release. What I mean is relax and be in the moment. Let go of the worries of things didn’t get done. Release whatever anxiety and stressors you have and be in the moment and realize what you’re about to do. You’re about to walk down the aisle to meet your favorite person. And during that 30 minutes of high anxiety, be confident and confide in I am making the right decisions. It’s go time.

Oh, my gosh, this one is going to get me in trouble….

But I’m just so over the burlap the Mason jars the whole, like, rustic eucalyptus vibes from a wedding planner’s perspective.

Can we please get rid of all of the wedding dresses that no one can walk in?

There is one wedding tradition I would love to see. Get the ax it’s the old school wedding corsage.

The one that needs to get eliminated is QR codes on your wedding stationery.

Can I get a big C ya never On the bride being handed over to the groom by her dad.

This little trend is annoying.

The wedding tradition that I wish would go away forever is sparkler exits.

Now give it up for your maid of honor and best man… can we not?

The new ish trend for weddings that I want to go away forever is bridesmaid first looks.

Hey, hey, hey a goodbye. That’s what I wish would happened to the Garter toss.

It’s uncomfortable for 95% of the people there. Some grooms don’t know how to dance, and it just becomes weird. Some brides are like, My parents are looking. You’re going up my dress. Let’s get rid of the garter toss.

It makes sense with the groom or even with the bride’s dad, but the bridesmaids are there to help you get ready. What ends up happening is you totally get some faces of your bridesmaids, like, Oh, my God. But like, most of them are faking it because they know what you look like. They’ve already seen your hair. They may have helped you pick up the dress just let them be in the moment and let it happen.

I am so, so, so. Over wedding party introduction, they take wasted time. That’s not necessary to line everybody up and the time it takes to introduce each couple. They’re cringey they’re awkward, and nobody’s planned it. Not to mention the couple doesn’t even get to watch what’s happening half the time. Please, let’s just stop doing wedding party introductions altogether.

Most of the amazing sparkler exit photos that you see are completely staged. They’re not actually an exit because let’s be honest, if you wait until the end of the night after you and all of your guests have been enjoying your signature cocktails, do you really want to make people responsible for flammable objects? No, no, we do not. No we should not. Sparkler exits need to go away.

Let the couples, kiss whenever they want. Don’t be forcing them to be kissing every few minutes. And that’s my little annoying trend that I would like to see you go away. It’s just. It just annoying.

Now, I know traditionally when we run our rehearsals were supposed to put the bride’s hand into her father’s and have him hand her over to her groom where she’s then brought to the altar. But it’s 2023, y’all. We are not living in a day and age where anybody is anyone property. We’re not exchanging dowry. We’re bringing villages together here. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had a bride looked at. It’s like, Excuse me. What? We are big girls. We are walking into this relationship of our own free will and we do not need to be handed off by our daddies to our groom, though if I have one trend to say it’s not a go, it’s the bride handoff.

When think of QR codes, I think of restaurants, I think of bars, I think of alcohol menus. They do not belong on your wedding stationery. Why would you have your grandma pick up her phone and try and scan a QR code RSVP? There’s so many other ways that you can get everybody to RSVP online. It’s just not necessary. If you’re looking for a way to eliminate stuff and save a buck, ask us. We can help you with that. The QR codes and your wedding stationery, they just do not belong together. 

The old school wedding corsage. I mean, whether you’re having people pin it to their gown or wear it on their wrist, allocate that money elsewhere. And trust me, the women in your family will thank you for not obligating them to wear 20 lbs of ribbon as they walk down the aisle for your ceremony.

Get rid of all of the wedding dresses that no one can walk in. The brides don’t like them. The bridesmaids don’t like them. Photographers hate them because they have to edit all the dirt and all the things off of them. But all these brides keep buying these dresses that are gorgeous and they spend all this money on and then they have to take 30 minutes out of their wedding day and bustle them, fix them up, stain remove them. All this stuff they can’t see their cute shoes they bought. If I had to pick something to get rid of the long dresses that no one can walk in.

it’s time to just move on from rustic eucalyptus vibes 20 years from now, when you look back at your photos, they’re going to just look outdated. I’m all for timeless and romantic. Let’s make sure you love your photos forever and let’s move on.

So hands down, the biggest mistake that I see couples making with wedding photography is hiring a friend to do it. I know everyone has a friend that’s a photographer or says they’re a photographer, but I think even if you’re hiring a friend who might be an incredible photographer, I would highly, highly recommend not doing this. You know, I had a couple friends, they hired their friend, you. She said she give them a good deal, but when they got the photos, they were actually displeased with them. And it added a lot of tension in the friendship. Like you trusted your friend to photograph your wedding day and then your friend kind of screwed it up or didn’t deliver what you were hoping for. Honestly, it’s just better to hire a professional and it’s going to leave you a lot happier at the end of the experience and they don’t do a good job. You can leave them a nasty review on Yelp or whatever. Can’t do that with a friend.

We have planned hundreds of weddings, but I will never forget this wedding that truly made me cry. And honestly, thinking about it now is getting me teary eyed. A bride had just lost her dad two weeks before the wedding. They tried to have the wedding as soon as they can so that he could be a part because he had cancer. But she had like, three brothers, she had a lot of uncles and they all were in attendance to the wedding and she didn’t think that she was going to do the father daughter dance, so she got rid of it. But I talked with her mom and her fiance and found like, what her dad’s favorite song was going to be. Talked with the DJ and the DJ played this song. We had her to come up and each one of her brothers took turns and gave her a hug and danced with her. And all of these people represented her dad for her on the day. So it was really, truly a special moment, a special time, and it just let her know and felt like he was there, even though he couldn’t be there, there were people there that would fill in the gap and fill in the shoe. Oh, I’m sorry, fill in the gap for him during that time. As a planner, we really and truly think about the wedding day forwards and backwards, inside and out, and our job is just to really make sure that everyone is comfortable and having a great day. And I think adding that moment to represent her dad truly will be something she remembers forever, but also lets her know that although he has passed away, you still have a team of guys that’s willing to be there for you.

Who wedding day emotions. Let’s see. I’m not generally a very emotional person. It takes a lot to make me get teary eyed or cry. But I would say the thing that really hits me hardest during the wedding day and can get me a little teary eyed is tributes to late parents. My mom passed away when I was ten so I had to have my wedding without her. And the heaviness of that moment and the expectations that you have growing up of having your parents be involved in that special day really hit hard. So some tributes that I’ve seen to parents who have passed that really kind of hit me and stood out to me are I love when there’s photos and little charms or lockets on the bride’s bouquet. I think that’s really sweet. We had a couple who had their mom’s dress be a part of their wedding dress. I think the most memorable really was one of our brides lost her dad pretty tragically and close to the wedding and she had one of his favorite shirts sewn into her dress, which I thought was really sweet. But I think the one that’s really hit me hardest is I had a couple who both parents had passed, and she walked down the aisle with a photo of both of her parents and sat it down on a beautiful chair, front aisle in her most or front row in her most chair on the aisle, and had a beautiful memorial table for her parents there, just to kind of symbolize and pay respects to them, if you will, that they were there with her on that day. And just the words in the ceremony talking about that tragedy and couples kind of being open and expressing their emotions about we’re not going to dance around this issue. That is the elephant in the room. So let’s address it and let’s speak about it and share good stories and know that they’re there with you. Those moments are the ones that choke me up a little bit and get me a little teary eyed on the day. Just having been a bride that had to have her wedding without her parents.

I know exactly the wedding for this question. It was a few years ago. Our team was able to create a very special moment for a groom and his mom, who had rapidly accelerating Ms. And to be honest, the couple was not sure that she would be there on the wedding day. Thankfully, she was. By the wedding day, she could no longer speak, and she was in a wheelchair. But they still wanted to have a very special moment with her. And the groom and his sister danced with their mom on the dance floor. They moved her wheelchair to the music. And even though she was not able to really express herself, you could see that she was very emotional in that moment. And there was not a dry eye in the ballroom. Everyone was crying. It didn’t help that I was eight months pregnant during this moment. But things like this remind wedding professionals why we do what we do. We can make the day so smooth for you that you can just be in the moment and make these memories with your loved ones. So this was an incredible moment to be a part of. And it there was not a dry eye. I’m telling you, it’s.

What wedding moment made me cry my eyes out. I’m going to cry just thinking about it. When brides dance with their fathers. Because I lost my dad about twelve years ago so thank goodness he was there for my wedding almost 28 years ago. But I was definitely a daddy’s girl. And so that moment of daddies and daughters and that father daughter dance is really heartwarming. Also, if I’m ever at an event and the song that my dad and I dance to is played, that always gets me. Whether it’s the father daughter dance or just background music during cocktail hour it doesn’t matter if I hear it. What a wonderful world that does it to me every time. So daddies and daughters father daughter dance gets me every time I’m.

It’s a wedding genie. Where are you? I mean, if there was a wedding genie, we are going with a late night snack. Let me tell you, your guests love food. And when they walk away from wedding days, that is one of the top things they remember is what did we eat? Was it hot? What was it like? What is that experience? So if we can leave them with an ending experience to be hey, what if it’s an ice cream truck? What if it’s a taco truck? What if it was like grilled cheese? Or what if you went to a special college or school and your late night snack was that particular thing that your college friends would remember? Go with that. Always go with the food. I mean, gift bags is a good idea, but to walk away and say I had an in and out burger from when we were in college I’m just saying late night snack it is.

OOH, honey, a wedding genie giving away $5,000. Sign me up. Now, what to do with that $5,000? In my personal opinion, I would go with experiences over things. So the question is fun experience, late night food or welcome bags for your guests. Now, in my experience, things like favors and items that are personalized to your day, eaten name your guests don’t really care for. We pack up 80% of them at the end of the night, and they don’t take them home. So I am all about a fun experience, something memorable that they will enjoy and remember about your wedding. So whether that be a fun food cart, maybe it’s cook on site donuts, or an ice cream cart, a coffee bar, something that is edible that they will enjoy and remember. Or a fun experience like a live painter, a build your own bouquet or your own flower crown bar. Some sort of experience that your guests are going to get to either eat and enjoy or make and enjoy or experience and enjoy, whether that’s a performance. Maybe. Maybe if you’re having a luau, you have dancers or to nicoline. I would definitely go experience in food over items, if you will.

Okay, so 1000% late night snack. And this actually comes from my years having been a bartender as opposed to my 14 years as a wedding photographer. I’m Libby Dollar, by the way. But the late night snack served well after dinner but kind of right before people are getting ready to leave. It’s actually a safety issue. So go. There are only two things that can make you less drunk and one of them is time. And the other one’s food. And you only have as much time as you have with your venue. But if someone gets too drunk and I’m not talking about too drunk to drive hopefully that’s already part of the plan. And there’s a shuttle or you’re encouraging people to Uber or it’s in the hotel where you’re getting married or whatever. I’m talking about the kind of drunk where people make poor life choices and the kind of drunk where people ruin friendships. All of this stuff happened to wedding. I’ve seen it. I’ve also seen people light people on fire with sparklers from sparkler exits which are a terrible idea. But that’s a whole other video. Give people food at the end of the night, you will not regret it. They will not regret it. The calories don’t matter. Just soak up that alcohol.

Is there a wedding markup? Are wedding vendors just greedy jerks who want to fleece you? No, we are generally honest, hardworking, creative people who want to be paid fairly for our time. Do I have a wedding markup? As an event planner in the Philadelphia area? No, I don’t. But I mostly charge by the hour and so wedding involves more hours. But my rate is the same whether it’s a corporate event or a wedding. Other vendors might have a wedding markup because it involves more back and forth between the couple. It could be for invitations, it could be for photography or videography, it could be catering. These details when it involves a wedding probably take a lot more time than an event that is more simple and cut and dry. And so if your vendor is charging you a flat rate then then they need to be compensated for all of that back and forth and revision and customization. And that’s why it may seem like it’s a markup, but it is really just being compensated for the time.

Yes. You’re not crazy. There’s absolutely a wedding markup. I’m libby dollar. I’ve shot weddings in 26 states. So this is not regional commentary at all. Whether it’s explicitly stated or not, weddings are expected to be perfect, and getting close to perfect requires more and more and more time, money, preparation, expertise, assistance, all this kind of stuff. If I’m going to photograph family photos on a Wednesday evening at a park and I forget about it, it’s never happened. But it could. Or I get sick or something happens with my family, I can reschedule. If the weather is terrible, if my camera breaks, I can reschedule. We can do it again. You can’t do a wedding again, and you can’t just mess up an hour worth of photos. Oh, heck, I had the wrong settings on no. You are expected for all 1012 14 hours that you’re there to produce evidence of every single thing that happened in the most artistic way that’s congruent with your portfolio and all of this kind of stuff. Other events that are as, do or die, that have a firm date, have high expectations, are priced the same as weddings. Events that can be rescheduled or are lower priority or have lower expectations, those are the things that get a discount.

Yeah, no, I would say a wedding markup is definitely not a thing. I’m a wedding photographer based in Montana. And yeah, I can definitely say when I photograph an event, it’s going to be cheaper than a wedding. But the reason behind this is the amount of effort that goes into a normal event is going to be just substantially less on my part. I mean, for example, I’m shooting a bar mitzvah this weekend. They hired me for a couple of hours. I talked to them once on the phone. I’m going to show up, I’m going to do the pictures. I’ll edit them, get them to them pretty easy. We’re, on the other hand, with a wedding, I mean, gosh, that is months and months of preparation. Usually there’s maybe an engagement shoot. There’s an album design. You’re looking at just a massively long day. There’s just a lot more work that goes into it, even just things down to coordinating a schedule and bringing on additional help. Normal event, I can show up. I can do it by myself. But a wedding is going to take more people from my team. I’m probably going to have to hire out an editor as well. Just with the amount of weddings that I’m doing in a summer and the quality that needs to come with the images, just weddings are one of those once in a lifetime things and they have to be done right.

Why are some weddings full of happiness and joy and magic and light and other weddings are difficult and stressful and so delicate? In my experience, it’s all about the personalities at Way and that can range from the couple themselves, their families and friends wedding party or your vendor team. If you have a photographer who is miserable and I’ve had it, that kind of infects the rest of your vendor team and then we’re all just a little less than what we would have been if we were all joyful and full of good energy. So I think it comes down to personalities and not your personality every day, but the person that you bring to that event, to that wedding on that day, in that moment has a lot to do with how well the day goes. So for couple really be in the moment, understand that things aren’t going to go perfectly to plan. Trust your vendor team and let us do our best for you and vendors show up and be great.

So why are some weddings fun and happy and others a struggle? In my opinion, and I have a few thoughts on this, but the top two would be logistical and emotional. Logistically, I think my weddings that go amazing and have just happy love energy are weddings that had a planner. I know I’m biased, I’m a planner, but they had a planner. And not only just a planner to help with the logistics, but a planner that united the vendor team. The ways that we do that just quick and easy. Are communicating with the team as a whole and making sure that your vendors have what they need. They’re supported they’re heard any adjustments or changes that they’ve needed. Are made and that you kind of POW out together and make sure that everybody knows each other and is introduced and can kind of serendipitously work together in collaboration on the day. So logistically, those weddings that have had that experience have gone much better than others. Now emotionally, I think the number one thing that couples can really be mindful of is having realistic expectations, knowing that, yes, there is a vision and there is a plan in place but there’s probably something that’s going to go wrong. It’s going to be a more windy day than you thought or a cooler day than you thought. And just being in the moment, taking it for what it is and keeping the true intention and the energy on the celebration, coming together with your significant other’s, family and friends and really celebrating the unity of the two of you guys should be the forefront of your focus. And don’t worry about the logistics, know that your vendors have got you. What will be, will be. Obviously we have a plan that we’re going to carry out and follow, but I always empower my couples to stay present in the moment and just float through the wedding because that’s going to give you better pictures, it’s going to give you a better feel and just an overall better experience.

It. As a wedding planner, some of the biggest stressors that I have seen on the day have to deal with the weather. I encourage you to talk to your planner or talks amongst your family and create a plan B. Have a plan B attitude well before the day. And what I mean by that is, yes, you have planned an amazing day with your planner. Yes, you have the details. You have everything laid out. But then I want you to take time and talk about what ifs. It is amazing. And I work with my clients to talk about what ifs before the wedding day. So if one of those what ifs happens. We already have a plan in place, and we’re jumping into action. And our couples aren’t stressed about it. They’re like, you know what? It’s right outside. Patrice and her team are going to the what if the plan B. So have a plan B in place to know what would this look like if this were to happen? Always solutions, never problems.

Love. Love this question. Okay, this is all about who you hire. It is very important that you hire professionals that know weddings that have a ton of experience to make sure that your day is everything that you envision and that it is absolutely flawless. Another thing that helps with this is to communicate. I strongly believe there is no such thing as over communicating what your vision is so that everyone understands and knows your expectations. So, in other words, make sure you hire vendors that have experience with weddings that even though you don’t hire a planner or coordinator, these vendors are going to come together as a team and make sure that your day is everything that you dreamed of. Two, make sure you communicate what you want and how you want your day to be. And also, it’s very important to know that the vibe and that feeling and that happy feeling and the love in the air, it all comes from you and your energy. So let loose, relax, have fun, show your love, and it’ll all come together and you’re going to have such a fun and as perfect as possible wedding. But just remember, hire professionals, communicate, have a detailed timeline with everything that you want as far as the day and put someone in charge that’s going to help you make sure these things are happening. And most importantly, have fun.