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My friend is officiating the ceremony and I’m worried they will go rouge. How do I set boundaries without offending them?

ALL TOPICS | Ceremony Questions

Q: My friend is officiating the ceremony and I'm worried they will go rouge. How do I set boundaries without offending them?


1 Videos

You. Okay, so your best friend is officiating for you and you’re worried they’re going to go rogue and throw your timeline off track and make the whole thing maybe all about them. I’m Nicole. I’m a wedding officiate and have been for 15 years. So let’s talk about this. The way that you can help your friends stay within the boundaries of what you want them to do is there’s two options, I think one is contact your local officiates. We often will give a coaching session to a friend who’s officiating for you so you can tell us what you want those boundaries to be. And then we can be the bad guy, per se, and give your friend a coaching lesson on how to perform the ceremony, what the expectations are and what that day should look like for them, what their role truly is, knowing that we’ve gotten that information from you. But also we do this for a living, so we can give them very valid and important information for the wedding day that’s going to help the both of you. That is what I would say. If you don’t want to hire an officiant to give that coaching session, then I would say write down what your expectations are for that person so that they have it in writing, because oftentimes it can be overwhelming when you’re officiating for a friend and you don’t really know what the expectations are. So just tell them, say, hey, our venue allows for a 30 minutes ceremony time. We’re really hoping for, like, 2025 minutes. So, please, when you’re writing the ceremony, keep that in mind. Second, we want to see the ceremony, so when you have that written or if you’re helping them write it, when we’ve got that final draft, we want to sit down and go over that final draft together so you know everything you’re saying, we know everything you’re saying. There’s no surprises and everybody’s very comfortable with the day. So that way that will hopefully set some boundaries, but just in a soft way for you guys. Good luck.

Do I need to invite the Officiant to the reception? And a +1?

Q: Do I need to invite the Officiant to the reception? And a +1?


No, we’re not inviting the official to the reception. And here’s why. I’m a professional officiant. I’ve been doing this for 15 years, and I love standing with you on your wedding day and sharing your love and being a part of that moment. It is truly so amazing. But after that, you guys are swept away for photos and dinner and dancing and everything else you have going on. So for me, who doesn’t know anybody there, it can be a little awkward. I’m going to grab a drink and socialize with folks and hang out. But again, it’s a little bit of an awkward situation because I don’t know anybody. This is a time for your friends and family to celebrate and enjoy the company of each other, and I think that is an amazing moment for them. Also, I might have another wedding that day, so, quite frankly, I just can’t stay. I don’t have the time to do that. The one exception is if you wish you’re efficient to do the blessing for you, then yes, you must invite them to dinner so that they can do the blessing and then enjoy that dinner with you. Beyond that, don’t invite them. We love spending the time with you, but you don’t need to spend your money on us.

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Start with a hook.

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  • Oh hell no, just no…
  • Absolutely not…
  • Yes, yes, yes! You should do this…
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“I’m not only a wedding planner in Chicago, but a newlywed myself…”


Answer away!

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Examples of what we are looking for:

check out how Sal nailed it in this video and so did Megan in this one and Nichole told it straight (from her car).

Tips for filming

Filming vertically on your phone.

TikTok is vertical for good reason - Gen Z have spoken!

Good audio is more important than good video.

Find a quiet room (that isn’t an echoey bathroom!).

Make sure your face is bright enough.

Standing near a large window or lamp is helpful - You want to be brighter than your background.

Nothing works better than a good story.

If you have any experiences you can share to help answer the question, go for it!

the energy!

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